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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Fast Five

I just want to go into this review by saying I have not seen any movies in this series since the first one. I hated that one. I gave it an F. Many have told me people since then that I have to see another film in this series. I am here to say that today on this date, May 10, 2011 I gave in to peer pressure. I am also here to say that I will never do so again. This movie was nothing more than your simple formulated heist flick. It had a little action in it to keep you from falling into a coma and the acting was just good enough to keep it from the trash compactor. There was very little about this movie however that was entertaining. The closing scene was sweet but it took too long to get to it. I absolutely loved the chase sense through the streets of Rio de Janeiro. It was awesome. I mean seriously you just try chaining a bank vault to two racecars and evading every cop in the country. I loved it. They destroyed almost everything in their path including a bank and they never stopped to even bat an eye. This case scene however was filed with tired clich├ęs. First one that comes to mind is why does no cop in any movie ever know how to drive right. The second question I have closely follows the first. Don’t these same police officers know how to shoot? I mean really I have never touched a gun in my life and I would probably have better aim than the cops here. Ok, so that was not a major deterrent but it needs to be pointed out anyway. The other reason I was not fond about this film was I never really knew who was shooting at whom. I could not keep track of the sides in many scenes. Most of the time I was just confused. If you ask some people I know however I am in that same point of mind everyday. (Hi Jill) This film never really made me believe in the good guys, or in this case the antagonist(s). I know you are supposed to cheer for the bandits in this film. I just never really had any interest what so ever if they won or lost. If this film was about sweet looking fast cars and stunningly sexy women than I must have missed them both. Neither of the female car thieves were of any interest to me nor was the overly sensitive female police officer. They were all just run of the mile skinny bitches to me and I was not into any of them. I spent most of the 130 minutes of this movie waiting for something to happen. When I did happen I was not terribly impressed and simply wanted that to be over as well. The closing credits came to me as a great relief. I jumped out of my car and ran towards the exit. I hope to never see another film in this series again and if I rent one I ask you to pummel me to death before viewing it. Grade F

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A note from an editor!

Hi Matthew,

Thank you for the time and effort you put into this piece, especially on a Saturday morning. I can tell you definitely took good notes of everything that was going on during the event!

We still have some work to do before this piece is ready to print. Your piece has a lot of information, but it doesn’t sound like a news article. What was the point of his speech/presentation? Why was he addressing this audience? What is Vanguard? What does the company do – who does it serve? You spend a lot of time narrating (for example, how he was injured), but did not report on the purpose of the event. You can maybe mention his appearance/joking about it in a sentence or two, but do not take several paragraphs to do so. Also, I like how you mentioned where the name “Vanguard” comes from.

There are a lot of spelling errors in this piece – make sure you proof read each sentence carefully.

I know I am getting back to you a little later I hoped, and I’m sorry about that! But if you have time tonight, please go through my suggestions and try to rework your piece. You can send me what you have tonight/tomorrow morning. Please bring a copy of it to the meeting tomorrow and we will discuss it further from there.

Once again, thanks for your hard work and promptness! Remember this is a learning process, and we are all part of the Waltonian team!

Talk to you soon!

Ten Most pathetic movie stars that still have careers.

(In A - B -C Order)

1. Hayden Christensen

2. Tom Crusie

3. Kevin Costner

4. Keeanu Reeves

5. Denise Richards

6. Adam Sandler

7. Arnold Schwarzenegger

8. William Shatner

9. Sylvester Stalloan

10. John Claude Van dahm