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Thursday, February 21, 2013

Red Ridding Hood

I rented this movie knowing it was bad, but I did not think it would be awful. Perhaps awful is not strong enough a word, maybe putrid would describe it. I am after all a journalism major at a local Christian university as a result any other word I can think of to describe this film would be inappropriate. Before I continue dashing this film to pieces let me first describe the plot. That is after all the one thing lacking from many of my movie reviews, (Hi Jill and Judy.) Well first let me tell you about the movie poster. It reads form the director of Twilight. Twilight was poorly directed as it is. The woman in the director’s (Catherine Hardwicke) seat should have been fired for utter incompetence instead they reward her with a new film to direct entirely. Who came up with that idea Congress? We all know how brilliant they are. Well I can only assume Catherine Hardwicke (the director) was wearing The Emperor's New Clothes when she directed this movie. That is precisely what she brought to this film nothing. All she did was make another Twilight. This movie had a paper-thin script. Let me elaborate. The hot young girl at the center of the film (aimed at teenaged girls mind you) is involved in a love triangle. One of the men she is interested in may be a wolf sound familiar. Oh yea this love interest, his name was Peter. How original for a wolf. The other man in the love triangle is a wimp. Oh yea A rich wimp the girl is being forced to marry. I wonder who she will choose. As I said before this script resembled Twilight. I gave Twilight a ‘D’ when I reviewed that film. D stands for delightful compared to this monstrosity. As usual I watched this movie first thing in the morning. Well my pajamas must have been designed for the emperor as well. After watching this 100-minute film I felt completely naked. It is like I have been stripped off all my clothes and dignity and left hanging, (out to dry) exposed and extremely venerable that normally would might be a good thing if the female director was also naked too. In this case however it leaves us both feel like we are going full frontal. The most pleasing part of this film is the lead actress. She as always is cute and adorable. Her acting skills are questionable but that a topic for another day. Some critics may incorrectly call her the titular character. She simply wears the Red Ridding Hood from witch the film gets it title. This robe or hood I speak of would not really help me if I wore it either. A hood is only designed to be an outer layer, a jacket like garment. If I wore such a Garment out of the house I would still have the same result as I did after watching this film. I’d feel naked and exposed to the public. You know sort of like this movie left me feeling. Grade F

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A note from an editor!

Hi Matthew,

Thank you for the time and effort you put into this piece, especially on a Saturday morning. I can tell you definitely took good notes of everything that was going on during the event!

We still have some work to do before this piece is ready to print. Your piece has a lot of information, but it doesn’t sound like a news article. What was the point of his speech/presentation? Why was he addressing this audience? What is Vanguard? What does the company do – who does it serve? You spend a lot of time narrating (for example, how he was injured), but did not report on the purpose of the event. You can maybe mention his appearance/joking about it in a sentence or two, but do not take several paragraphs to do so. Also, I like how you mentioned where the name “Vanguard” comes from.

There are a lot of spelling errors in this piece – make sure you proof read each sentence carefully.

I know I am getting back to you a little later I hoped, and I’m sorry about that! But if you have time tonight, please go through my suggestions and try to rework your piece. You can send me what you have tonight/tomorrow morning. Please bring a copy of it to the meeting tomorrow and we will discuss it further from there.

Once again, thanks for your hard work and promptness! Remember this is a learning process, and we are all part of the Waltonian team!

Talk to you soon!

Ten Most pathetic movie stars that still have careers.

(In A - B -C Order)

1. Hayden Christensen

2. Tom Crusie

3. Kevin Costner

4. Keeanu Reeves

5. Denise Richards

6. Adam Sandler

7. Arnold Schwarzenegger

8. William Shatner

9. Sylvester Stalloan

10. John Claude Van dahm